Project Omega
by Sonanoka21093
Summary: Have you ever wondered what happened to the various PC-98 characters? This is the story of Rika, and just what happened to her. You might even be surprised by what you learn.
1. A Dark and Stormy Night

Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic, and Moegi the japanese beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

A/N: Here we are again.

Y/N: That we are.

A/N: I have been looking forward to writing this story for _months _now.

Y/N: That you have.

A/N: I am growing so tired of writing the same thing over and over again...

Y/N: Ohh?

A/N: Character A and B sit at home talking. Character A gets gapped. Character A and B talk to Kana. Character A and B enter the party and that's where things finally diverge.

Y/N: My, that sounds grating.

A/N: It is...

Y/N: And you still have four left to do before the finale.

A/N: That's right!

Y/N: Why not mix things up a bit?

A/N: ...How so?

Y/N: You could skip the starting bit, for starters.

A/N: But I already skipped the whole pre-party bit for the whole plot!

Y/N: Do you wish to get through the plot?

A/N: ...Yes, of course I do.

Y/N: Then you know what must be done.

A/N: ...

* * *

**Some time in the past:**

I strained my exhausted body to smile down at the child I now cradled in my arms. "I did it... I... I told you that I didn't need any of their painkillers..."

Smiling from my side, my husband replied, "I knew you could do it, dear. Can I hold her yet?"

Pouting with some of my last remaining energy as my groin continued to smart from the level of pain I had just barely endured, I answered, "No. Not... not quite yet. I want to hold her. You didn't have to... push her out." I tightened my hold on her just a bit, bringing her just a bit closer to my chest, which she pawed at. Smiling, I added, "Besides, she's hungry."

Sighing, my husband asked, changing the subject, "So, what should we call her?"

Undoing my gown so as to expose my chest, I answered, "...She... has a lot of fire in those eyes. Like she could do anything... if she really wanted to. Rika."

Sighing once more as our daughter made her way the short distance between my chest and her mouth, my husband asked, "Isn't that a bit narcissistic, dear?"

* * *

**Present day:**

_Krakoom_

I rushed along through the dark yet bright night, and couldn't help but feel I was being watched. It was raining heavily, and my clothes were soaked, while the full moon illuminated everything well enough to at least be able to find my way. Grumbling to myself, I said to nobody in particular, not thinking anyone would hear me, "At this rate, I'm gonna catch pneumonia..."

At saying this, the bush beside me began to shake, and I jumped away from it with a start. From within the bush, I spotted a pair of glowing red eyes that looked desperate. Hungry, even. Gulping at the threat of such a thing, I ran away, not looking back to see if whatever it was had given chase.

Growling at the situation I was in, I asked myself as I ran, "W-what the hell was that?!"

Eventually I made my way out of the forest, feeling as if something were at my heels the whole way. Before me was a river with no way to cross, so I changed directions, heading to the right, as I never _did_ like left. "How did I even wind up by a river?! There's nothing like this anywhere near my place... Where _am _I?" Last I had know before all this madness had begun, I had been taking a leisurely walk through the park on the way home from my job, and ended up having to use the bathroom while half way through the park. Doing the sensible thing, I headed off the path, and into the trees to piddle. When I tried to find my way back to the path, I just couldn't find my way, and ended up finding that strange red-eyed monster.

From there, I began to run for my life from the implied threat of those hungry eyes. They looked like they belonged to something at least as big as a man, and there ain't no man with blood red eyes, not even mentioning the fact that they _glowed. _As I continued to run for what I assumed to be my life, I heard nothing but the falling rain, and the sound of my pounding heart as I pushed my body to its limits. Ahead of me I saw something that brightened my spirits. What looked like a cave with a door. If I could get inside and shut the door behind me, maybe I'll be safe! Putting everything I had left into my run, I ran hard and fast for the door, and grew closer by the second. Within ten I was inside, and I put my hands on the side of sliding door, finding out that it was made of metal, and began to push. I grunted with effort, pushing and pushing, but it simply wouldn't budge. After a few seconds of pushing, praying whatever it was that was chasing me was still trying to catch up, I gave it my all, already exhausted from the run. After another second of fruitless effort, the door suddenly shifted, and began to slide shut, before pushing itself into the rectangular doorway like a glove onto a hand.

With the door now shut, I slid down the wall, landing on my rear, and began to hyperventilate in an effort to catch my breath. As I breathed heavily, I heard a loud thump as something ran into the door, followed by a louder thump, which ended in eerie silence. I _knew_ I was being chased; call it gut instinct. Seems I was right. As I sat on the ground, sucking in air like a vacuum, I looked around in the inky darkness. It was too dark to see, obviously, but there has to be some kind of light system if there was a door like that.

After I finally caught my breath, I pulled myself from the ground and began to look around for some sort of switch or button, moving along the wall, feeling up and down. Behind me, I heard a truly worrying sound; this time it wasn't just the sound of something _hitting _metal, but the sound of something metal punching a hole through metal, and I saw sparks fly as whatever made the hole was wrenched from it. Looking through the hole made in the door, whatever had been chasing me looked at me with it's eerie glowing red eye. Gulping at the very threatening display, I prayed that it couldn't see me. After a few moments of staring strait at me, a childish voice asked, "Are you the type of human I'm allowed to eat?"

Eyes widening at the implications of the question, I answered, "No! I-I'm not!"

Sounding ever so amused, the voice asked with a giggle, "Is that so~?"

From within my mind, I heard something whisper. Moments later, the eye vanished, and the creature presumably fled. I sat there in the darkness for minutes on end, confused by what had happened.

After my legs stopped shaking, and I swallowed my fear back down into my gut, I looked back into the darkness of the room. Wanting light, I moved along, and began to search for something to fix the issue of the lack of light. After a minute of searching, I eventually tripping over something, and banged my head on the ground as I fell to the floor in a crumpled pile. Groaning as my waning consciousness came back to me, I felt along the floor for whatever it was that I had tripped over. Picking it up, I found that it was a control of some kind, oddly enough. Feeling along the surface, I felt a button. Praying that it operated the lights and not the door, I decided to press it.

The lights came on with a flash, and I found myself to be in the center of the sun, going by how blinded I now was due to just how adjusted to the dark I had become. Of course, that thought was a bit stupid; it's far too cool in here to be the sun. If this were the sun, I wouldn't have to worry about catching my death of cold. I'd be perfectly dry, not to mention incinerated. ...Now's not the time to think about this, though, so I suppose I'll investigate if anyone is here.

Squinting my eyes, and blinking a few time, I looked around in the now brightly lit interior. Looking to the steel door, I found there to be a small dent in the middle, with a hole stabbed through the middle of the dent. That door felt pretty thick! Has to be at least six inches of steel... How could anything make a hole in a door like that?

Looking to the rest of the cave, I called, "Is anybody in here...?" In this direction I found what seemed to be a workshop of some sort, with a a very pretty tank off to the side, a table with a red smear on it, and all kinds of tools. There was also a statue of a woman wearing a lab coat and a small pair of glasses. ...I hope that's not blood. Maybe it's paint. Yes, paint makes sense. No way is that blood! After all, the tank has some red on it! It must be where the paint bucket was set. No way could it be blood.

Ignoring the not-blood, I now noticed just how dusty it was in here. "...Nobody must have been here in years; even the floor's covered in a thick layer of dust..." Making my way over to the tank, I began to inspect it. It was pretty huge, for a tank. The treads were red, and look only lightly armored, whilst the turret was a big gray disk from where I was standing, with a big red gun jutting out of the front, covered in vines for some reason. There was oddly not secondary turret, making this thing pretty vulnerable for a tank. There were also plants growing on the back of the turret for whatever reason. How would plants even stay alive in a place like this?

Blinking, I noticed something truly strange about this tank. Stroking my chin, I circled around it, saying, "...There's no dust on it..." To prove my point, I wiped my finger across the red of the tread, finding there to be no streak left behind. Not only was there no dust, but it looked as if it had been polished, too.

Locating the built-in ladder in the back, I climbed up on to the tank, and I was slightly shocked to find a big yin-yang painted on the top of the turret after I had made it through all of the foliage. Finding the hatch in the dot of the yang side, I tried to twist it open, but it simply wouldn't move. "Dammit, it's locked... I wonder if someone's inside? ...No, they would have left foot prints in the dust, wouldn't they have? Then how the hell is this thing so shiny?! Does it somehow repel dust? Crazier things have happened. ...In recent times, too." Such as little girls stabbing through steel doors.

As I thought on the complexities of keeping this monster clean, something fell down behind me, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin, and off the side of the tank at the sound of it. Looking over my shoulder, I found that a chest had fallen off of a shelf. Odd. Climbing back down the back of the monstrosity of steel, I headed over to the chest.

Looking to the shelf the thing had fallen from, I found that one of the supports had given out, causing it to topple off of the shelf, and onto the ground. Ignoring how odd that was, I maneuvered the small chest so that it was upright, the lid facing up. Checking the front, I found that there was no lock. "To open you, or not to open you... Ahh, screw it." With that said, I opened the lid of the chest.

Blinking, I asked, "Cassette tapes and an old recording device?" Scanning over the tapes, I found that they were labeled Flower Tank, Bakebake, Shrine Tank, as well as Alpha through Upsilon. I had no idea what most of the single character titles meant, however, as they were all using the roman alphabet.

Maybe I should listen to them...


	2. Flower Tank

Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic, and Moegi the japanese beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

A/N: I feel... conflicted.

Y/N: Why is that?

A/N: The story may contain chapters of under 1k words each if I write it a certain way.

Y/N: That way being?

A/N: One recording per chapter. Really, the recordings are very short.

Y/N: Then make several per chapter? I do not see the problem.

A/N: I feel as if each chapter should contain a different recording.

Y/N: That would simply needlessly pad chapter number.

A/N: ...I guess you have a point.

Y/N: Don't I always?

A/N: Do you really want me to answer that?

Y/N: Answer the question.

A/N: The dangerous look in your eye says that I shouldn't...

Y/N: The fan at your throat says you should~

A/N: Okay, fine, no need to threaten me! I think that you don't have a point a lot of the time, as you aren't _trying _to have one. When you do try, however, you do in fact have a point.

Y/N: My, what a smart way of opposing me!

A/N: ...Thank you?

Y/N: You made sure to explain in a way that I won't offend me, didn't you?

A/N: I suppose I did.

Y/N: Shall we get on with the show, then?

A/N: ...You're mad, aren't you.

* * *

A/N: By the way, if you're wondering about the script sections, those are there because there is literally no better way to write a recording. If it had video, I would write it normally, but it's audio only.

* * *

**Some time in the past:**

I couldn't help but let my heart swell with pride. Smiling, I said, "Say it again!"

Little Rika had grown well in the last year, and had given me a lovely surprise. "Mama!"

I had a goofy little grin on my face at being called by that name. It was a silly thing to make me this happy, and yet I couldn't help but feel the pride this brought with it. Looking to the other room, I called, "Papa, come quick!"

Hearing the crinkling of the news paper as he put it down, I soon saw him enter the room. With a smile on his face, he asked, "What is it, Mama?"

Grinning at him, I exclaimed, "She said it! She said mama!"

Chuckling, the man I love asked, "Is that so?" Looking to our child, he asked, "Can you say papa?"

Grinning that toothless grin that only babies and old folk make, she cried, "Mama!"

* * *

**Present day:**

...But which do I start with? There's so many tapes in here. Something like 20! Well, maybe starting with the first one in order would be good. Pulling it out, I read what was on the tape. 'Flower Tanks,' huh? What a girly name... Looking over my shoulder, I wondered if the tank in question was the one I had just tracked some mud on.

Picking up the big, bulky tape recorder, I chuckled at the strangeness of this. I haven't seen anything but digital recording devices in a long time. Tapes have long since been replaced with compact disks, and more recently, MP3's. Not to mention that this tape recorder looks pretty old, not to mention not looking like a mass produced one. Almost as if it were made by hand. ...Made by hand with a lot of metal parts. The thing's pretty freaking heavy. With that out of the way, I opened the hatch, and found another tape already to be inside. Pulling it out, I found it to be labeled with another funny character I didn't recognize. Phi, the 21st character of the Greek alphabet. Figuring I might as well play it if it's already in the thing, I shoved it right back in, closed the hatch, and pressed play.

[After 27 second of silence, the sound of wings flapping is heard, and after another couple minutes of silence, the tape ends.]

Snorting, I commented, "Well, that was pointless. Are all the ones with the funny letters gonna be like that? Not that I don't have time to kill, but still, that's pretty annoying."

Picking up the chest, I made my way over to the table beside the one with the smear on it. This one had all sorts of tools scattered over it, but there was also plenty of free space. Placing the chest on this work station, I took a seat and angled the crude bendy lamp so that it would illuminate the chest. I could see fine in what little light made its way to the floor, but I'd rather not have to read in such harsh conditions. My eyes are sensitive, and I must respect them, lest I end up wearing glasses.

Tossing the failure of a recording back into the chest, I pushed the one about the tank in, closing the hatch before pressing play.

Young female: [giggle] Is this thing on? Helloooo? [tap tap]

Mature female: Dear, stop hitting the speaker; it's on. Besides, didn't you make it? You should know best that it's working, right?

Young female: But it's my first time using it, mommy! [clearing throat] Hi! I'm Rika, and this is my best invention ever!

"Wait, a little girl made that metal monstrosity?! ...Or does she mean the tape recorder?"

Mommy: [chuckle] You don't have to introduce yourself to it, dear.

Rika: But if I don't, how will anyone who listens to it know who I am?!

Mommy: [sigh] But is this not for private use only...?

Rika: Pri-vate? ...Like in the miltery?

Mommy: ...Dear, how do you even know about privates of that sort?

Rika: I don' remember!

Mommy: I see.

Rika: So, am I done now?

Mommy: No, you still have to talk about your tank. That was the whole point of this recording, even if we got a bit sidetracked.

"So she _did _build a tank?!"

Rika: Well, I made it able to drive real fast!

Mommy: ...You're going to need me to explain, aren't you.

Rika: Explain what?

Mommy: [sigh] The suspension is above and beyond what is available in tanks in this day and age by way of using concentrated mana to strengthen it, and the engine, well...

"Wait, what? Magic? _Are you serious?"_

Rika: Isn't that what I said?

Mommy: [sigh] Dear, you have to be more descriptive than it being fast.

Rika: Hrm... Uhh... Ahh! The engine's powered by the articial plants! The plants pull in aaall the magic juice in the air, and covert it into fuel! ...It sometimes pulls in fairies, too. They don't seem to like gettin' ground up... ...The fuel can then be used for all sorts of things, from being stored in the special magical batry for later use in fuelin' other things to firin' the peace cannon!

"...'Peace cannon'? What a crappy name... ...Wait, fairies?"

Mommy: ...That was... very good, dear. I'm proud of you for doing so well, but you have to explain-

Rika: The Peace Cannon's meant to destroy all guns in a mile raydus, and can even home in on them if needed! Although, it's still a protype, as it has a bad habt of just homing in on the people holding them! It uses magic as the power source, like the rest of the tank! If there's no target, it makes a neat explosion of beams and orbs in the direction fired! ...I'm not sure if that should be considered a feature or what, onstly!

Mommy: Very good, dear. But what about the-

Rika: The armor's super tough, and can deflec most attacks! It's a super tough metal called oni steel! No idea what it's made of, or how it's made, but it smells like daddy!

"...What the heck does oni mean?"

Mommy: Dear, that's rude. He doesn't smell like sake.

Blinking, I looked to the tank. "...The tank smells like sake? Why the hell does it smell like sake...?"

Rika: The 'puter's state of the art, but it's not fully functal yet. I can't get it to stop shootin' when I power it up yet, but I'm sure I'll fix that soon!

Mommy: Also, there is little heat involved in the whole thing, so you can wear whatever you like while inside.

Rika: Yeah, it's awesome! I didn't even mean to do that, but it's really nice! Only down side is it can only be used with magic! Outside of Gensu... Genesu...

Mommy: Gensoukyou.

Rika: Right! Outside of where we live it'd have to run on batrys! Anyways, that's everything! Bye-bye!

Mommy: Dear, you don't have to say- [the recording stops]

Raising a brow, I asked, "Gensoukyou? I've never heard of such a place... Am I in Japan?"

...Just how did I get to Japan? ...Why can I understand the recording? They don't even seem to have an accent...


	3. Mr Bakebake

Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic, and Moegi the japanese beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

Y/N: You know, I have been thinking about something.

A/N: Do you do that often?

Y/N: Of course! How rude...

A/N: You make it sound as if you're any less rude to me.

Y/N: I've been thinking about your sexuality.

A/N: ...And?

Y/N: I think you may not be nearly as strait as you once believed.

A/N: But... I'm bi?

Y/N: Yes, but you also say that you lean towards strait.

A/N: ...So?

Y/N: You have a crush on two women.

A/N: And a boyfriend whom I would do anything for!

Y/N: Two against one.

A/N: Tch...

Y/N: So, why don't you come out of the closet?

A/N: A closet in which I am already out of.

Y/N: Just admit that you like women more than men!

A/N: Never!

Y/N: So you admit that you aren't admitting it!

A/N: Now you're just grasping at straws.

* * *

A/N: Well, this has been my shortest chapter in a long time!

* * *

**Some time in the past:**

As we ate breakfast one morning, and I spooned baby food into our daughter's unwilling mouth, my husband thought aloud, "You know what we need? A dog."

Pausing a moment mid-flight with the plane-like spoon, I resumed flight soon after I realized that I had stopped. "Dear, whatever do we need a dog for? They are far from hygienic, enjoy eating whatever they happen to find, and die too quickly to grow all that attached to."

Sighing, he stopped eating. "Dear, little Rika has no friends. If not a dog, what do you recommend? Are you going to _build _her a friend?"

Setting down the plane-spoon, I as well sighed, asking, "Do you really think I haven't noticed them picking on her? But would a dog really be wise in the long run?"

Raising a brow, he asked, "What do you mean?"

Sighing once more, I answered, "I mean that the dog will die. If it's her only friend, will she be able to take that loss if she becomes overly invested in it?"

Slumping his shoulders, my love asked, "What choice do we have? Even if she managed to make a friend, we move too often for her to keep them. A dog can come with us wherever we go."

Sighing yet again, I said, "Fine. A dog it is. ...But what of a name?"

Now that I had stopped trying to feed her, and was no longer paying attention, Rika began to awkwardly clutch the spoon and use it to eat the slop that one feeds a baby. As she did this, my husband offered, "How about... Alpha?"

Snorting, I asked, "The first letter of the greek alphabet?"

Smiling sadly, he said, "It will be the first, but certainly not the last, if things keep up like they are..."

* * *

**Present day:**

Sighing, I removed the tape about the tank from the tape recorder. Leafing through to the front of the of the tapes, I placed it back from where I had gotten it, before picking the next in order. Reading it aloud, I said, "Bakebake, huh? Sounds Japanese... Still don't get how these things are in English if they live in japan. They don't even have an accent... Maybe they're multilingual? Best explanation I can come up with anyways...

Shoving the tape into the door of the thing, I closed it and pressed play.

Rika: Mommy's a bit busy with inventin' stuff today, but Alpha's here with me! Isn't that right boy? ...Or are you a girl?

[woof]

Rika: I'm not sure either! [giggle] Well, hi again, whoever's listenin' to this! ...Then again, Mommy said we'd probly be the only ones listenin'! Uhh... Hi Mommy, Daddy, and me! Ahh, and Alpha! Whichever of us is listening, hi!

[arf]

Rika: I was talking to future Alpha, not you! ...Anyways, I should probably talk 'bout the weapnized souls I put together!

"...What? How does that even...? Ohh, whatever. They've said enough crazy stuff that I'm just gonna ignore that. Not like I have anyone to ask about it."

Rika: It's a pretty simple process, really!

[woof]

Rika: That's right, you just have to place the special hitaikakushi in them, and they start to form a solid body under it!

"...Hitaiwha?"

[bark]

Rika: Yeah, I guess I should. It's still a protype, but the way it works is it lets them hear you! It works as an artficial ear, and it's gotta be blessed so that it can touch them! It took a bunch of tries, but eventually I got it so that a soul followed my orders! Of course, the key compnent is finding a soul that'll listen to you!

[woof]

Rika: Aww, thanks, Alpha... I think you're pretty too! Anyways, I think that's all there is to it! See ya whoever you are!

[woof]

Rika: Ehe. Yeah, I'm looking forward to my birfday as well! Maybe Mommy and Daddy'll get me a whole lot of scrap and tools from the kappa! They always seem to have extra stuff.

"...Kappa? I wonder who that is?"

[arf]

Rika: Ohh yeah, I forgot to mention that! Let me just turn it back o-

I couldn't help but snort at that turn of events.

Rika: Well, turns out I forgot to turn it off! Anyways, I have one last thing to say! I'm working on making artficial souls out of metal! If everything turns out okay, I'll have all the bakebake I can make! Once I perfect it, I'll have all the friends I can make! Then maybe my birfday party'll have more than just famly, Alpha, and Mister Bakebake!


	4. A

Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic, and Moegi the japanese beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

A/N: And here we are again, in another chapter of my current project.

Y/N: That we are~

A/N: ...What do we even talk about?

Y/N: Well, what do we normally speak of?

A/N: ...Inane nonsense?

Y/N: Well, there you go. We must speak of either something inane, or nonsense.

A/N: Or both at the same time.

Y/N: My, that would be lovely.

A/N: ...I've got nothing.

Y/N: Well, why don't we talk about talking about inane nonsense?

A/N: ...I like the way you think...

Y/N: You're too kind~

A/N: Although, haven't we done that like three times now?

Y/N: True.

A/N: Maybe we should stop doing that.

Y/N: Well, what do you suggest we do?

A/N: Well, how about we have guests? That's what talk shows do, isn't it?

Y/N: Would this even count as a talk show, though?

A/N: Well, what else would you call it?

Y/N: An author note section.

A/N: Getting a bit meta there, Yukari...

Y/N: Although, we've hit the 200 word mark, so I suppose we'll save that for next time~

A/N: Yay! ...Also, the final line shows where I considered ending the chapter! Wouldn't that have been a terrible cliffhanger?

* * *

**Some time in the past:**

Not sure how else to bring it up, I let out a sigh that I hoped my love would pick up on.

Picking up on it just as I had hoped he would, he asked, "What's wrong, dear?"

Looking down at my lap, I asked, "What will we do when Rika enters school? Odds are that the children won't believe her tales of the things she has made. I can just imagine the things she will make in the future."

Raising a brow, and setting down his news paper, my husband asked, "Isn't that why we bought her Alpha? A friend that will stick with her through thick and thin."

Shaking my head, I said, "That's not the problem that I'm talking about."

Sighing, he asked, "Then what's bothering you, love?"

Looking to him, I answered, "They'll ask to see the inventions."

Blinking in realization, he finished, "And she'd show them."

Nodding, I added, "If they so much as imply that they'd be her friend for showing them something she's made, she will bring them here. They will see the things she may make in the future. Those things may be weapons. If word were to get out, and it would, the parents would find out. If the parents find out, things would snowball from there, and-"

From beside me, the phone began to ring, breaking me out of my reverie. We both turned our heads to it with annoyance. Sighing, I picked up the phone. "Hello?"

In a playful voice, a mature woman answered, "If you're so worried about such a thing, have I a proposition for you~"

* * *

**Present day:**

Just deciding to run with the apparently magical nature of things, or that this was all some big joke, I asked myself, "I wonder what happened with the ghosts? I mean, they are ghosts, right? Souls given solid bodies sounds a tad like a ghost after all. Sounds like a horrible plot for a B movie, honestly. If I were to give it a name, it'd probably have the monster as its name. Or maybe Ghost Army or something. I wonder what kind of damage an army of normally incorporeal monsters could do? Would they maybe headbutt you? ...Would they even have heads? Do they look like they have sheets over their heads? Maybe like in pacman? But if they look like pacman ghosts, does that mean there's a giant yellow ball that eats smaller yellow balls? ...Or people? Depending on size, it could be quite easy..."

Blinking, I asked myself, "...Am I seriously thinking that pacman of all things is frightening if you imagine it in the wrong way?" Shaking the silly thoughts from my mind, I asked, "Although, even if it's a bit silly, shouldn't something like that be scary if it's big enough? Hell, just give it teeth and it'd be disturbing... Sharp teeth especially." Shuddering at the thought, I opened the hatch on the top of the tape recorder and removed the tape, putting it away.

Scanning over the order of the tapes, I found that next was what looked like a capital A, but something told me that it wasn't simply the letter A. No, there had to be more to it than such a simple answer. Something seemed familiar about it, though.

Popping the next tape in, I pressed play.

Rika: I found the strangest thing while I was out today!

[woof]

Rika: Right. From the top. [clearing throat] Hello once again, me, Mommy, or Daddy!

[arf]

Rika: Right! Or Alpha, if you somehow figure out how to use this device in the future.

[woof...]

Rika: Ohh? You can? Then show me! Press the butto-

[short silence]

Rika: Well, that was surprising. Alpha managed to press the button just fine! I was really impressed, even if it ended up turning off the tape recorder.

[bark!]

Rika: Yeah, yeah, I said I was sorry. What more do you want from me?

[woof]

Rika: You know I can't give you extra food; you'd get fat again.

[arf!]

Rika: You're on a diet, and that's final. Sorry...

[woof...]

Rika: Anyways, moving on... Ahh, yeah, that's right. From the top!

[woof...]

Rika: Well, today I decided to go exploring, and decided to take Alpha with me for protection. Gensoukyou can be a pretty dangerous place, you know? Anyways, we found this odd bat-like creature with a bulbous body, today! It had these odd tendrils that it used to stand that it could retract into its body, and it had this single big eye. Long story sort, it attacked us. Alpha blocked its surprisingly weak attack that was meant for me! It tried to stab me with this little spike on the end of its tentacle that came out when it retracted it. Came out of the tendril, that is. It's stuck pretty snugly in Alpha now, but Alpha seems okay. That must have been one of those youkai I hear so much about.

"...Youkai? What the hell is a youkai?"

Rika: Anyways, I don't really have anything else to mention. See ya, whoever you are.

[momentary silence]

Rika: Alpha's in pain... Whatever the eye monster did to him, I'm afraid it's working... I asked Miss Keine about it, and she lent me a book on the subject of youkai ecology. Maybe it'll help.

[silence]

Rika: Okay, I read up on the matter, and... and... ...Alpha, he... he might not make it. Maybe? I'm not sure! The book's pretty vague... It has loads of info on other monsters, but next to nothing on evil eyes! That's what they are. Evil eyes. What a silly name, right, Alpha? ...Alpha? No, it's... Alpha's not moving! Mom! [distant] Mom, Alpha stopped moving, and- and he won't start moving, and he... won't move! A-and... And... [sob] Alpha! Please move... Please say something... Anything!

Mom: What happened? Calm down, sweetie, it'll be okay. Shh. Shh, it's fine. Calm down and tell me what happened...

[long relative silence where breathing slowly calms down]

Rika: W-well, umm, Alpha and I were... we were out in the woods, and... And we saw this evil eye, and... and it attacked, and... Alpha took the attack. Everything... _looked _fine at first - just a little stub was sticking out of his chest - but then he... he started yipping in pain here and there... Something obviously wasn't quite... _right_, so I went to... to Keine for help, so she... she gave me this b-book, and... I-I looked up what was wrong.

[short silence]

Mom: And?

Rika: Alpha won't make it... I don't think... The spike is lodged in Alpha's... heart... And it'll only get worse? It's vague, okay?!

Mom: Shh. Calm down.

Rika: R-right... Just... Just have to stay calm, cool, and collected... Calm, cool... and collected...

Mom: Now, tell me what happened after that.

Rika: W-well... She fell over and... and she... sh-she... [sniffle] ...she stopped moving...

Mom: Alright, so we'll need to try and extract that dart.

Rika: You don't understand, mom... It's... It's too late. To extract it would rip out her heart...

Mom: ...I see... Then we pray for a miracle and we watch over her. We'll give her life support for as long as we can, okay? Just please stop crying, sweetie...

Rika: [sniffles a few times] R-right... Just... please keep her safe...

[long silence followed my footsteps growing nearer and nearer]

Man: Hrm? What's this doing turned on? Better turn it o-

* * *

[short pause]

Rika: I... I don't know how to feel about it.

[silence]

Rika: Yeah, I know you can't help what happened, but... it scared me...

[silence]

Rika: It was... It was really, really bloody. My clothes are spattered with blood from being so close to the scene of the... hatching.

[silence]

Rika: Right. From the top. ...H-hello, Mommy, Daddy, Alpha or me... I... Well, a lot has happened since I left off. Apparently I left the tape recorder running, so that's at least part of it covered, but I still have so much left.

[silence]

Rika: Right, Alpha's an evil eye now.

[silence]

Rika: ...And communicates telepathically.

[silence]

Rika: And has a strong urge to stab me in the chest and make me one as well.

[silence]

Rika: Yeah, I know you won't, but I'll be fixing it anyways.

[silence]

Rika: Ohh, shush. Don't be such a big baby. I'll be sure to knock you out first, so don't you worry.

[silence]

Rika: ...Okay, you have a point there. How much anaesthetic _does _one use on an evil eye? You look like a baby compared to the other one.

[silence]

Rika: Yeah, I know that I could try and gradually test larger and larger doses on you, but that would be a really big waste.

[silence]

Rika: ...True, I guess it's better than killing you or something. I've already lost you once; I'm not losing you a second time.

[silence]

Rika: Yeah, and I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a while after watching you explode like that.

[silence]

Rika: So what if you're okay?! You _still _exploded! All over me, too! There were bone shards and... and blood everywhere! It was _so _not cool!

[silence]

Rika: How is that _my _fault? I couldn't leave your side!

[silence]

Rika: I don't care about technicalities! I couldn't leave your side and that's final! I'm not about to argue that! I cared too much about you to leave your side for a minute...

[silence]

Rika: Miss Keine can be worried all she likes!

[silence]

Rika: I care too much about you to care what happens otherwise. You're my only friend, Alpha... [sniffle] If I don't have you, who would I have?

[flap]

Rika: Ehh? Are you... are you hugging me? With your wings?

[silence]

Rika: I... [sniffle] Alpha, I'm so glad you're alright...

[flap]

Rika: Well... how about we get to testing the anaesthetic? Rika out.

[short pause]

Rika: The operation was a success! Alpha is now just a little less likely to stab me!

[silence]

Rika: Ohh, shush. You know that was a joke. Can't you read minds a little? Anyways, I just wanted to quickly tell that everything was a success! There seem to be no side effects to the modifications I made to Alpha's heart. All is well, and Alpha's got this slowly healing scar over his chest. Youkai are awesome... I'm a bit jealous, really! [giggles]

[silence]

Rika: Ohh, shush. I know you could make me like you if I really wanted. I'm fine staying the way I am. ...Besides, evil eyes can't wield tools, right?

[silence]

Rika: ...Okay, so you can work a wrench pretty well. ...And a screw driver... ...And can... pick up a big sheet of... steel... Quit tempting me! A-anyways, that's all for now! Rika out. Again.


	5. Beta

Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic, and Moegi the japanese beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

A/N: So, who's the first guest on the list?

Y/N: There is no list.

A/N: What do you mean there's no list?!

Y/N: You never saw fit to write one up.

A/N: ...Ohh.

Y/N: 'Ohh' indeed~

A/N: Ugh... Then what _do _we have?

Y/N: Drum roll please!

R/N: You got it, boss!

A/N: ...Raiko?

R/N: Yeah?

A/N: Perfect!

Y/N: Ehh?

A/N: I shall use Raiko!

Y/N: But I have a Wheel of Touhous set up!

A/N: Yes, but Raiko's already here.

Y/N: Hmph.

A/N: Ohh, don't worry, I'll use that next time!

Y/N: You better... I went through a lot of trouble to have this made, you know. It has quite a few names after all. It is no simple task to have these made.

A/N: ...Yukari...

Y/N: Yes?

A/N: You realize that you control just about all aspects of the fabric of reality.

Y/N: And?

A/N: And yet you call _that _of all things _difficult_?

Y/N: And it is!

A/N: Far less than- You know what? I'm just gonna drop it. Let's get on with the show...

* * *

**Some time in the past:**

Hearing a knock on the door of our new home, I began to rush my way towards the front door, calling out, "Coming!"

When I opened the door, and was greeted by... a woman with the oddest hair color and a lunch box on top of her head. "This would be the Asakura residence, correct?"

Nodding, I replied, "It is."

Smiling, the strange woman stated, "I'm here to talk about your child enrolling in my school next semester. May I come in?"

* * *

**Present Day:**

Blinking, I exclaimed to myself, "I finally realized what it means! The 'A' stands for Alpha!" Stroking my chin, I asked nobody in particular, "Does that mean the 'B' stands for Beta? But why isn't there a 'C'? ...Is there even one that starts that way? The third one's just a lop-sided 'T'."

Talking to myself, I said, "Well, let's go do something to take a short break from all of this. Maybe watch paint dry." With that said, I made my way over to the table with the smear. Studying the smear, I asked it, "Are you blood? Please say no."

The smear, being a smear, said nothing, just looking a bit brownish. "...I'll take that as a no. Yes, dried blood certainly isn't brown. ...I could have sworn it was red..."

With that said, I made my way back to the desk while trying to ignore the blood, and put away the tape on Alpha. Speaking to myself, as was the norm by now, I said, "Poor dog. ...But at least his sacrifice wasn't in vain, even if it's not as if it killed him. Still, damn that's one unlucky and ridiculously smart dog.

With all of that said and done, I pulled out the tape on Alpha and put it away, before replacing it with the tape on Beta. With the tape in place, I closed the hatch and pressed play.

Rika: I've discovered a new path that I can take; a path that I doubt has ever been taken before. First, though, I need to test something out on this dead cat I found!

[silence]

Rika: Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't you, but that doesn't matter.

[silence]

Rika: ...You seem pretty defensive. You sure you didn't do it?

[silence]

Rika: Well then, I'll believe you.

[silence]

Rika: Of course. You wouldn't lie to me, right?

"If that dog's anything like me, I guess this'll get it to spill the beans."

[silence]

Rika: Right, Alpha~?

[silence]

Rika: [giggle] Why are you looking away like that~?

[silence]

Rika: See? Was it so hard to admit that you tried playing with the cat and it went south?

"Dogs will always be dogs, I guess..."

[silence]

Rika: That was a rhetorical question, Alpha.

"Have a feeling he answered 'yes'." I couldn't help but chuckle a bit.

[silence]

Rika: Right, I should really get to work on that cat before rigor mortis sets in. The sample must be fresh! Rika out.

Rika: Well, that was surprisingly easy.

[silence]

Rika: Yeah, I know, but the heart was so... tiny! I was surprised that things went as well as they did.

[silence]

Rika: ...Right. Save for the whole left ventricle kinda... popping when I applied an electric current to it. Not even sure why it did that.

[silence]

Rika: ...You know, I'm not too sure why I did that, myself, now that you mention it...

[silence]

Rika: Hey, shush! There's no need for name calling. It's rude.

I couldn't help but snort. "The dog totally called her an idiot, didn't he..."

[silence]

Rika: A-anyways, all I need to do is have Alpha stab the thing, and wait!

[silence followed by a stabbing sound.]

Rika: ...All I have to do is wait! By my estimates, it takes a week for an evil eye to hatch, meaning that there's nothing more for me to do for now!

[silence]

Rika: Right. If all evil eyes take the same amount of time, that is.

[silence]

Rika: Yeah, yeah, I'm hurrying already! Keep your pants on!

[silence]

Rika: I'm _aware_ that you don't wear pants, dang it!

[silence]

Rika: Grr... Your concern is appreciated, but wholly unneeded!

[silence]

Rika: Anyways, you've already eaten!

[silence]

Rika: Don't even think that giving me puppy eye will work! You're not even all that cute.

[silence]

Rika: Ohh, spare me... You never _were _cute! You were a big dog! Not one of those tiny little cute ones. There's no way I'd think you were cute.

[silence]

Rika: ...Quit it...

[silence]

Rika: How are you even getting your lip to tremble?! You don't even _have _lips, really!

[silence]

Rika: Fine, you were cute, and you still are! Quit pouting already!

[silence]

Rika: You know, seeing you grin like that is a bit disturbing.

[silence]

Rika: Yeah, but your teeth are so sharp now! Seeing them in all their glory is kinda frightening, you know?

[silence]

Rika: Yes, yes, I know. Rika out.

[long pause followed by a hiss and a clatter of metal]

Rika: Alpha, stop chasing Beta! She's getting blood everywhere!

[bark bark]

[hiss]

Rika: [sigh] I didn't even know you _could _still bark... I'll have to get you back in the habit of barking to talk. Sounds better on a recording than silence.

Mom: Dear, what's with all the- Ohh, dear...

Rika: Uhh... Hi, Mom! Just, uhh... ...I'll clean up after them?

Mom: What have I told you about breeding youkai?

Rika: ...Make sure they're not gonna kill you?

Mom: The other thing, dear.

Rika: ...Don't get them in the habit of eating people?

Mom: The _other _thing.

Rika: Don't cause a mes- I said I'd clean it up! The mess was only just made!

[bark bark]

[hiss clatter]

Rika: ...And that mess.

[clatter]

Mom: Alpha! Bad girl!

[whine]

Mom: No meat for you tonight! Only vegies!

[louder whine]

Mom: If you keep that up, I'll make it two days.

[silence]

Mom: Good. Now, help Rika clean up this mess, and don't you dare chase Beta further.

Rika: [sigh followed by a long silence]

Man: Hmm? On again? [chuckles] Goodbye, whoever might be listening to this. Well, if you still are; I'm sure there has been quite the silence.


	6. T Through I

Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic, and Moegi the japanese beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

A/N: So, Raiko, tell me a bit about yourself!

R/N: Well, I'm X years old, and-

A/N: Raiko, uhh... You need to say a number...

R/N: Right! I'm zero years old, and-

Y/N: That doesn't seem to have worked the way you wanted it to~

A/N: Months.

R/N: Well, I'm zero-

A/N: Arg!

R/N: Ahh?!

Y/N: You know, as entertaining as this is, shouting at random, an interview does not make.

A/N: ...Did you just talk like Yoda?

Y/N: You're imagining things~

A/N: ...Rrrright. Ahem. Now, where was I?

R/N: I'm zero-

A/N: No more age-related stuff!

R/N: Fine, fine... Hrm... Well, aside from that, I'm also a tsukumogami of a pair of drums!

A/N: A pair?

R/N: Yes, sorta! I kinda abandoned the old me. It's why I have these duds! They signify that I have abandoned my old self and embrace the new.

A/N: They also make you look like a smooth criminal.

R/N: Thank you! I tried my best to dress well after all, and dressing like the king of pop was easy enough. Gives me a good bit of magic to work with, too!

A/N: Right. 'outside magic' and all that.

R/N: Exactly!

A/N: Anyways, I guess it's about time we get to getting on with this show, huh?

R/N: Yeah!

A/N: ...That drum solo was nice, but not what I meant.

R/N: I was _wondering_ why nobody joined in...

A/N: ...Neither of us have instrumen- Yukari, where did you get that guitar from?

Y/N: Well, I believe you already know the answer to that~

A/N: Do you... even know how to play?

Y/N: My, so little confidence in my abilities. I'm hurt. Now, Raiko, how about we play up a storm?

R/N: Yeah!

* * *

**Some time in the past:**

I smiled as I watched my daughter riveting a panel of steel into place on her first major invention. It made me proud, especially due to the fact that it took advantage of the special properties that were only in our homeland. Sure, that meant that it would be significantly weaker in the outside world, but I still couldn't help the smile that came to my lips. Our daughter was creating a _tank_. That is far from a simple thing to make, and she was doing so without any outwards help! Sure, the design of the tank was rather... unique, but it was still something she made all by herself with just a bit of help with the heavy parts. After all, I wouldn't want her to get crushed by a falling sheet of steel; that would truly be a waste of talent.

* * *

**Present day:**

Letting out a thoughtful hum, I said to nobody in particular, "Well, that was interesting. A cat killed and dragged in by the dog becomes an eye monster." I couldn't help but snort at the absurdity of it all. "So, next is..." Looking to the next tape in line, I rose a brow. "Just what does that lop-sided 'T' mean? ...Theta, maybe? No, that just sounds like I made that up. ...Which, admittedly, I probably did."

Without further ado, I proceeded to exchange the tapes, putting in theta, or whatever the hell that odd 'T' means. With that done, I pressed play.

[momentary silence]

[ruff]

Rika: Yeah, I know I should say something already, but... What's there really to say?

[arf]

Rika: Point. Alright, well, I've decided to make this a series of inventions. I will start going out of my way to find new specimens to have turned into my special evil eyes.

"I guess she's gonna make an army of the things at this rate, huh?

[woof]

Rika: ...Yeah, that'd be nice.

[meow]

Rika: Well, the next animal, and my first live subject, is a turtle I found. I figured gamma was a good time to go with a turtle, what with the kaiju of a similar name.

"Ohhhh, Gamma! ...Wait, what the hell is a kaiju?"

Rika: Honestly, by the end of this series of experiments I'm probably going to have enough skill with enough animals to be a veterinarian. I've already preformed open heart surgery on an evil eye and a cat. I can only imagine what other animals I'll end up converting to evil eyes.

[woof]

Rika: Alright, Alpha. I'll get to the surgery then. Rika out.

Rika: As expected, I managed to successfully implant the device into her heart.

[meow]

Rika: I assume animals are female until proven otherwise.

[woof]

Rika: What?!

[meow]

Rika: I-I would never do such a thing with an animal!

[arf]

Rika: Well, it's not that I'm too good for it, it's just... isn't that wrong...?

[bow wow]

Rika: Then why are you making it sound as if you're disappointed in me?!

Mom: What's with all the shouting, Ri- Ohh, my...

Rika: Uhh... I have a very good reason for having a turtle all stitched up and covered in blood!

Mom: [sigh] You're making another evil eye again, aren't you.

Rika: Well... yeah.

Mom: Dear, don't you have enough of them?

Rika: But Mom, my new goal is to make the ultimate evil eye! I can't do that unless I make loads more!

Mom: And where, pray tell, are you intending to get the subjects for such an endeavor?

Rika: Out in the woods, of course.

Mom: The dangerous woods, the more dangerous woods, or the woods that you would have to be suicidal to go in?

Rika: But Mom, I have Alpha and Beta to protect me! They're both really strong, you know? Not to mention that I'll only get safer the more I make!

Mom: And be easier to spot.

Rika: Yeah, but who in their right mind would mess with a squad of evil eyes?

Mom: Fairies, for one. They already tried to attack the flower tank after all, and were blown apart in short order.

I rose a brow at that. "They seem pretty blasé about that..."

Rika: Yeah, but they aren't hard to take down! Heck, a good punch could probably take one out; they're _really_ flimsy.

Mom: [sigh] Just be careful, sweetie... There are stronger youkai than that out in the woods, if the stories are true. If you see a blonde child in black don't even try to fight. If you were to run into that one... you might be killed. Eaten, even.

Rika: I... I will, Mom. Don't worry.

[woof]

Mom: You _better _not let harm come to her...

[whine]

Rika: Ahh. I left it on. Whoops. Rika out.

Rika: [knock knock] Huh. It's hard. Not squishy like Alpha and Beta. Interesting.

[meow]

Rika: Yeah, I know it's a turtle, it's just...

[silence]

Rika: Exactly. I didn't anticipate this one being particularly defensive. Thanks, Gamma. I wasn't sure how to phrase that.

[woof]

Rika: Well, I guess that's one way... Anyway, I guess that's all that needs to be said, aside from Gamma being pretty small. Makes Beta look big... Rika out.

Raising a brow, I asked, "So, does that mean that the size of the animal affects the end result? Not to mention that they seem to keep part of themselves. I wonder if Beta has claws, or if Alpha... would make a good pack leader? Dogs don't really have anything special going for them, really..."

Looking to the next tape in line, my brows shot up. "Are you freaking kidding me? A _triangle_? That doesn't even _look _like a letter at this point! What would that even be attached to? Triangula? Sounds like a freaking pokemon..."

The heavy silence greeted me after my sudden outburst of a tangent, and the silence proceeded to settle in like a bird in a nest. Breaking that bird and the analogy, I said, "Might as well move on to the next one..."

With that said, I switched from the lop-sided T to the hollow triangle, and pressed play.

Rika: I have decided that we need a bird.

[woof]

Rika: Well, if evil eyes already have wings, maybe a bird would make a swift flier.

[meow]

Rika: Alright. I'll trust in your skills to catch a bird. Just be sure not to kill it too brutally.

[meow]

Rika: Of course you can. The subject need not be alive; need I remind you of how you were obtained?

[meow...]

Rika: Exactly. Now go. Find us a bird, and I'll patch it up and give it the implant before having Alpha stab at it. Anyway, Rika out.

[chirp]

Rika: Well, Beta managed to secure Delta, and she didn't even need to kill her! She actually lucked out and found an injured baby bird that fell out of its nest! So, on the plus side, no blood needed to be shed.

I let out a groan of annoyance. "...Delta? A triangle is _Delta_?"

[meow]

Rika: ...And Beta decided it was a good idea to eat Delta's parents.

[chirp]

Rika: I don't _expect_ you to forgive Beta, Delta. Anyways, seems the mutation this time is feathered wings! Which is kinda funny, what with Delta not having had feathers before the hatching. She was just a bald little chick~

[chirp...]

Rika: [giggle] Am I? Sorry, Delta. Didn't mean to embarrass you like that. Anyways, while she was out, Beta found a strange compound! We'll be checking it out tomorrow, but apparently it's locked tight and has a steel door. It's built into the side of a large rocky hill! We'll need a way in, or a way to secure one. Anyways, Rika out.

With that said and done, the recording ended, and I was left in silence. "So, I guess I should move on to the next one." With that said, I removed the tape from the tape recorder, and pushed it into the space left behind from where I had gotten it. Looking to the next in line, I furrowed my brows. "A, B, T, triangle, _E_?! What the hell?! It goes from normal to downright crazy with its letter selection, and then it goes right back to normal?! You know what? I don't care. Whatever."

Now ignoring the annoying strangeness that was the categorization of the tapes, I pulled out the tape marked with 'E' and proceeded to put it in the tape recorder, pressing play after shutting the door on the thing.

Rika: Well, now that I have a bird, I have to wonder about something else.

[woof]

Rika: I was getting to that!

[chirp]

[meow]

Rika: Okay, now you're just being jerks.

[woof]

[meow...]

Rika: Thanks, Alpha. Anyways, what we need is a bat!

[...chirp?]

Rika: Of course you're good enough; I just happen to be curious about a couple things, really. For one, what will the mutations to the basic design of an evil eye be? After all, it already has bat wings.

[woof]

Rika: Thanks, Alpha!

[woof]

Rika: Now, as it'll be tricky to catch a bat, I think Delta would be the best choice for the matter; she's the swiftest, and the most agile.

[mroow]

Rika: Yeah, but that's not going to help. What I need for _this_ task is _aerial _agility.

[meow...]

[chirp]

Rika: Hey, now. There's no need to taunt Beta, Delta. I know you don't like her for what she did to your parents, but still, there's no need for name-calling. Anyways, you don't have to do anything till tonight, Delta; I'm sure it'll make finding bats far easier.

[chirp]

Rika: Ohh, you do? Well then, start now, then. Nothing left to say, really. ...Rika out.

Rika: That went pretty well. Although, Epsilon seems to be hiding in the rafters now. She doesn't really like the light that much. Also, she's pretty tiny... Makes me wonder how small a mouse-based evil eye would be. Anyways, with Epsilon hatched and the body disposed of by the eyes, I guess that makes this recording over.

"So 'E' is Epsilon? Logic! So much logic, for a change! It's... it's beautiful..." I couldn't help but let sarcasm bleed into my voice.

[...squeak]

Rika: Ahh, right. I've decided to start branding the chests of the evil eyes to keep track of who's whom. I started with Epsilon, of course. Seems right to start with the fresh one, after all. From there, I think I'll go in reverse alphabetical order.

[Chirp...]

[whine]

[rrowr...]

Rika: Ohh, don't be such big babys; I'll numb the area before I do it! Jeez...

I couldn't help but shudder at the thought of someone pressing a hot iron into my skin with the mention of branding. "Isn't that a bit excessive...? Couldn't she just... mark them with ribbons or something...?" I mean sure, that wouldn't be as easy to figure out, but... branding them with their character just seems a tad bit overkill.

With that said, I worked on putting the tape away, pulling out... "...'Z'? Seriously? A, B, T, triangle, E, _Z_? You know what? Whatever. I'll just roll with it. They obviously did some major changes from language to language, so I shouldn't bitch. Still, though, that's a bit crazy. 'Z'."

Sighing, I inserted the tape and pressed play.

Rika: Well, this ought to be interesting.

[chirp]

Rika: Yes, I'm sure about not eating Zeta, Delta.

"So Z is Zeta. Good to know, I guess. Good to see that the pattern of logic continues."

[chirp]

Rika: I don't care if he looks tasty! I need to have him good and alive for what I want. It was really hard figuring out what the heart was, and I don't want to have to do it again, dang it.

[squeak]

Rika: Not you too, Epsilon!

[woof]

Rika: Thank you, Alpha...

[meow]

Rika: Thanks, Beta.

[woof]

[meow]

Rika: Arg! Why does everyone seem to think a freaking rhinoceros beetle looks delicious?!

I couldn't help but chuckle. "I have to wonder the same..."

[silence]

Rika: Even you, Gamma...? Fine, whatever you say, but no eating that beetle. I don't want to have to perform open heart surgery on a _second_ beetle. Anyways, with that all said, Rika out.

Sighing, I said, "Jeez, you'd think that beetles were delicious..." Not that I've ever tried one, but still. I somehow doubt that I'm missing out on anything.

Rika: Ohh my god, ohh my god, you won't believe what happened when Zeta hatched! This is unprecedented!

[chitter]

Rika: Don't be so modest! You look freaking _awesome_, and that's nothing to be ashamed of!

[woof]

Rika: I'm as calm as I should be in such an instance! Anyways, Zeta has a freaking _exoskeleton _as hard as _granite_! None of the others have been so similar to their original body! Closest is Gamma's hard shell, but that's not quite the same. Doesn't look as cool, either. From head to tendril, the whole body is chitin. Even the wings, minus the webbing, of course! What a find, this is! Even the mouth is like that of an insect! I need a second test... I think I know the perfect subject to expend my research into evil eyes, too! This is gonna be _great_!

[woof...?]

Rika: What do you mean, 'already'? Of course I'm ready! Just because there's usually a month or so break between these things doesn't mean there 'has' to be a month or so break! In this instance, I'm ready to go already! Buckle up; we're in for a wild ride...

[meow]

Rika: Ohh, shush. Rika out.

Raising a brow, I said, "Jeez, you'd think that these were done one after the other! Months apart? That's a pretty big gap! Although, I guess it probably 'is' pretty hard to find good subjects, not to mention figuring out how much to gas them if they're still alive for their surgery. ...Or does she just kill them to make things simpler? From the sound of things they don't necessarily have to be alive. ...Although, being a young girl, I'm sure she doesn't do that." ...Right?

Leafing through the tapes, I put away the current one, before pulling out the one with an 'H' on it. "You know, I'm really getting a bit tired of whining, but isn't 'H' the 8th letter of the alphabet, not the 7th? Then again, this obviously isn't English; we _just _got done with '_Z' _after all."

Putting the tape in the player, I closed the door on the thing. With that done, I pressed play.

Rika: Jeez, getting this subject was harder than I expected! Who would have thought a black widow would be hard to find? Sure, I wasn't particularly picky on what spider I was to get for this, but it had to be female.

I couldn't help but shudder at the mention of a spider. I hate spiders, after all. Doubly so the tiny venomous ones. Of course, one could argue that they're all venomous, but I'm talking about the potentially lethal ones. The tiny ones are hard to spot, making them annoying to avoid. The highly venomous ones are, well, highly venomous. There's no need to fear the tiny ones per se, but the tiny highly venomous ones just compound their lethality by being tiny.

[meow]

Rika: I'm not sexist! Female spiders are larger than males is all, making them deliver a larger dose of venom.

[woof]

Rika: Okay, you've got me; I only wanted a female because they're easier to work on their heart. Already a spider will be hard, what with the body being so tiny. I don't want to compound this problem by having a smaller body to work with. Already I'll need magnification and tiny parts to make this work!

[woof]

Rika: Ohh, don't worry, I have everything sorted out already. I actually measured to projected size of the heart as soon as I heard the species of spider and began to put together the clockwork and plates and such for it in advance! Let's just hope I don't screw it up and need a new spider. Then the parts would be quite likely useless, as they are made specifically for that size of spider!

[woof]

Rika: Aww, thanks, Alpha...

[meow]

[chirp]

[squeak]

[chitter]

Rika: Thanks, everyone. I'm glad that you have so much faith in me. It really makes me happy to know that you all believe in me... Rika out.

"Jeez, that's pretty mushy, isn't it? ...I think. Never can tell what all those animals mean exactly. Pretty impressive that that Rika girl seems to be able to understand dog, though." After all, all the others probably insert their thoughts into her head or something. Sounds like that, anyways. As an aside, I asked, "...I wonder if she can _speak _dog?"

Rika: Jeez, that was, once again, pretty surprising! Eta came out alright, thought!

"...'H' is _Eta_? What happened to the pattern of Epsilon and Zeta?! 'E' and 'Z'! Not you tell me that 'H' is _Eta_? Come on, stick to the pattern, damn it. Either make sense or don't! Don't do _both_! I can't make predictions if you do that..."

[chitter]

Rika: Yes, I realize that you don't like spiders, Zeta. It's a reasonable fear for a beetle to have, really. Anyways, Eta's got mandibles and the typical red hourglass of a black widow. Lots of tendrils, too. Eight, to be exact. Which is reasonable, considering that she's a spider, and these things work much like legs, at least when you don't point out that they work slightly like genitalia. Thankfully nobody's brought that up.

"...That's kinda disturbing... Would it be like a tentacle monster, then...?"

[chitter]

Rika: Darn it, me and my big mouth! You're right, Eta; I _did _bring it up...

I couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "What a ditz... Also, now that I think about it, I guess the 'H' makes a little more sense than I thought. 'E' was already used, after all." And by a perfectly logical one, too!

[woof]

Rika: Yeah, these recordings _are _becoming pretty short and to the point, huh? Anyways, Rika out. See you next time.

Shaking off that interesting thought, I popped out and put away the tape, before grabbed the next one in line. My brow twitched a bit at the sight. "An 'O' with a sideways 'I' inside of it...? What the hell! Now they aren't even following the same system as our language. All letters are a single part! Not two disconnected ones...

Popping the tap in the tray, I pressed play.

Rika: After discovering just how lethally effective Eta's venom is, I've decided to further that direction of research, and have branched out into another line of venom.

[chitter...]

Rika: No need to be bashful, Eta; you've opened my eyes to a whole new world of research that has gone untapped in my studies of evil eyes and the various ways to weaponize them. Eta could also be milked to help the human village produce black widow anti-venom. So, with this easy way to produce enough venom to help the human village in mind, let's try to make one for another common problem. Rattle snakes are pretty common around here, and while the youkai just see them as meals due to immunity to simple toxins as far as I've heard, we humans have to live in fear of stumbling upon one. Well, let's lessen that fear, shall we? Rattlers are a much more common problem than black widow bites after all.

I couldn't help but smile a bit at that. "What a considerate kid."

Rika: As such, I have sent the larger evil eyes out on a hunt for a rattler! Theta will be mine soon... Rika out.

"...You mean Theta is actually a letter of whatever alphabet this is from?"

Rika: Everything has gone well! The human village now has a steady supply of rattler venom thanks to Theta's valiant efforts to have her fangs milked! Apparently this variant has the typical hypodermic needles for fangs you would expect of a rattler, as well as a diamond-pattern across her scales. Fitting for her, really. Although, it's a bit odd that the last two have kept their patterns. First the hourglass, and now diamonds. I mean, sure, their color is typically kept, but still.

[woof]

Rika: True enough; we don't exactly deal with a lot of animals with specific designs. Good point, Alpha.

[woof]

Rika: You know, you're right... I guess I _haven't _really been saying what color everyone is. Although, is it really all that important?

[woof]

Rika: Exactly. Really, there's no need to say that you're white, or that Beta is black. It's not important from a technical standpoint. These are simply coloration. Unless it's something special, it bears no importance.

I couldn't stop myself from snorting at that, saying, "...You know, that sounds like something someone talking about racism would say." I couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "Although, it seems a bit too technical of an explanation. Maybe if a nerd were to explain racism, that would be the way they would do it."

[chirp]

Rika: Yeah, I guess that did sound a tad odd. Well, anyways, Rika out. See you next time I come up with a new evil eye.

As I worked on changing the tape, I asked myself, "I wonder what the next species she'll use is?" Noticing the uppercase 'I' on the next tape, I asked, "I wonder what the next one will be? Hrm... I'm gonna guess Iota." I couldn't help but snort with amusement. Yeah right. Like I could guess the insanity that was this language.

With that said, I proceeded to insert the tape, before pressing play.

Rika: I know just what to do, yes I do!

[woof...]

Rika: I'm not crazy, Alpha. As I was saying, I'll make a mouse evil eye! Doesn't that sound lovely?

[squeak]

Rika: Well, yeah, I suppose bats _are _pretty much winged mice, but I need to complete the theme!

[meow]

Rika: First it was insect to insect. Then it was venom to venom. Now it's hunter to prey!

[chitter]

Rika: Okay, fine, insect to _arachnid. _Happy, Eta?

[chitter]

Rika: Good. I'm glad you're happy. Now, where was I...

[woof]

Rika: Right! I have decided that Iota shall be a mouse!

I was utterly nonplused by that revelation, at least for a moment. "...I was _right_? I seriously guessed that it was Iota? When so many of them don't follow the same mechanics as English, I guessed the exact _name _of one? I mean, sure, I also guessed Theta, but not like this..." I couldn't help but shake my head in disbelief. This is just crazy.

[hiss]

Rika: No, Theta, you can't eat Iota when we catch him. Anyways, Rika out.

Rika: Well, just as I expected, Iota is pretty normal, if small; there's really nothing special about her to report... Even the smallness is within projections for this project. Maybe I should try something more interesting next time... ...I know exactly what to do for the next letter~

[woof]

Rika: That's a secret! Don't spoil the surprise, Alpha. I'm sure you'll be the first one to figure it out... Rika out.


	7. K Through P

Disclaimer: Touhou belongs to Zun, and the only things that belong to myself would be Usagi the mimic, and Moegi the japanese beetle. Everything else belongs to their rightful owner.

R/N: I'm so excited!

Y/N: Ohh? Might I ask the why?

A/N: Yeah, why are you so excited?

Y/N: My, I seem to have gained a parrot of sorts.

A/N: Ohh, shush. I just didn't feel comfortable with saying nothing, so I forced myself to say something.

Y/N: You rarely have to force it; you can rarely manage to shut up. Ufufu...

A/N: Okay, now you're just being mean; I do _too _know how to be quiet!

Y/N: Then why don't you do it?

A/N: And do what you want me to?

Y/N: So you admit to being unable to shut up.

A/N: I admit to nothing!

Y/N: Ohh, yes you do~

A/N: No, I don't.

Y/M: But you do.

A/N: Do not.

Y/N: Do so~

A/N: Do not!

R/N: I have arms!

Y/N: ...

A/N: ...That's great, Raiko, but we're having a very important discussion.

R/N: But you sound so discordant. There's no harmony; it's just endless, pointless noise!

A/N: ...

Y/N: ...Perhaps she has a point.

A/N: Yeah, maybe she does.

Y/N: That point being that you never shut up~

A/N: But I do! I just... do it while people aren't around.

Y/N: So you _effectively _never shut up.

A/N: No!

Y/N: Yes~

R/N: Ugh... These guys need to act their ages...

A/N: If she did that she would be dead.

* * *

**Some time in the past:**

I looked out the window, watching a pair of children play, before I closed the curtains to our mostly western-styled home. "...Honey, is it just me, or are people... avoiding us?"

Looking over his issue of the Kakashi Spirit News, my husband replied simply, "No, it's not."

Knitting my brows in annoyance at the simple answer, I asked, "Then what's going on?"

Folding his paper with a noisy crinkle and setting it aside, he offered, "I think you already know what, dear; you don't need me answering questions you already know the answers to, do you?"

I bit my lip, afraid of the answer that was right in front of me. Noticing this, husband got up, and slowly walked over to me, pulling me into an embrace. "Dear, it's alright. Whatever happens, we'll at least be protected. After all, we have a pair of lovely ladies with a good head on their shoulders. Between Rika and you, what could possibly go wrong? Not to mention that if things go horribly wrong we still have Rika's evil eyes for protection. You know more than me how effective they can be when they decide something to be a threat to our Rika. I'm sure that protection extends to the whole family."

Nodding slightly, just letting myself be held, I said, "Yes, you're right. Everything will turn out for the best in the end. Nothing horrible will happen to us so long as she maintains her little army."

* * *

**Present day:**

Deciding to take another short break from listening to old recordings, I made my way over to that statue. When I got a close look at it, I discovered that it was of someone sitting in the corner of this workshop, shielding itself with its arms, and squinting its eyes shut in fear. Said statue was wearing a lab coat, and had a small pair of round frame glasses on, too. I think it might be of a woman, too, but there's one thing that bothered me about it. "...Why does it look so scared? I've never seen a statue quite like it. Not to mention, isn't Rika an inventor? Did she make a statue on the side or something? Maybe buy it and shove it off into the corner? Was it maybe a gift?" Someone who gives a little girl a gift like that is a bit demented.

Leaving the sculpture alone, I headed back over to the work station I had left the chest at, and decided to get back to my quest for private knowledge. What can I say; I'm a bit nosy.

Looking through the rows of tapes, I found the next one to simply be a capital 'K', which caused me to raise a brow. "What, have you run out of... _unique_ symbols to use, language? Not that I'm complaining; losing sanity over the little things isn't exactly high on my to-do list, after all.

Pulling out the tape labeled with the letter 'K', I proceeded to slide it into place, close the hatch, and press play.

Rika: I'll bet you didn't see this coming, guys.

[woof]

Rika: Aside from you, Alpha. I knew _you_ would; you're familiar with the greek alphabet.

Raising a brow, I asked, "Greek? So this is the greek alphabet, huh?"

[meow...]

Rika: Yeah, I know, she _did _have a bit of an advantage, really. Well, anyways, say hello to our captive audience, Kappa.

Old man: You know, that name is going to be difficult to get used to.

Rika: I could just call you by your name if you would prefer.

Old man: No. If it isn't just because you're bein' an idiot, and it's to be my new name based off of the greek alphabet letter, I'm fine with it. 'Sides, I won't be a kappa for long, if what you say is true. [chuckle]

Rika: And you're sure you're okay with all of this? I mean, sure, you'll still be able to invent, and yeah, you'll have more flexible hands from it, as well as a potentially stronger body for it, but still.

Kappa: I think you just answered your own question, missy. 'Sides, I'm gettin' pretty old. We kappa don't age as well as other youkai do, you know. I can hardly lift anything anymore, and my mind... it's dulled over the past millennia.

Rika: So I might be doing you a big favor by doing this for you.

Kappa: Might be, yeah. It's a real big maybe, though. But it's a risk I'll take for a second chance at life, missy. 'Sides, even if it doesn't work out, at least it'll help ya with your research. Not like I have much to lose, and you've got plenty to gain from this crazy little project of yours!

Rika: ...Crazy?

Kappa: Well, what else would it be? Not exactly the most sane thing in the world to be cuttin' things open, puttin' gear boxes in their hearts, not botherin' to close 'em up a lot of the time, and finally gettin' a youkai to make em start tickin' again.

Rika: But I'm not crazy!

Kappa: So you say. ...'Sides, all the best inventors and pioneers ain't right in the head. It'd be stranger if you _were _normal.

Rika: Mom's normal...

Kappa: Then she's abnormal. And don't you be lookin' at me like that; bein' abnormal ain't nothin' to be afraid of. Just a fact of life, really. What even _is _normal in this line of work?

Rika: ...Making things?

Kappa: [chuckle] That was rhetorical, missy.

Rika: Ohh... Sorry about that.

Kappa: Think nothin' of it! Some of the best inventors and scientists around can't recognize those kinda questions. Always takin' things the wrong way, too. Compliment 'em, and they'll take it as an insult! Insult 'em, and they'll take it as a compliment! Always doin' the unexpected without even meanin' to, and the expected when ya least expect it!

Rika: I... see.

Kappa: So, 'bout that surgery...

Rika: R-right. Uhh, I guess Rika out...

Kappa: Ohh, you've even got a unique way to end your transmissions?

Rika: Umm... Y-yeah.

Kappa: That's swell. [chuckle]

Rika: R-Rika out...

Rika: Well, I now know what the human heart is like.

Kappa: Kappa's more accurate, but I know what ya mean well enough. Humans and youkai are pretty similar, after all.

Rika: I'm surprised you're not in debilitating pain...

Kappa: And I'm surprised that I'm still alive! Heart's pretty important after all. You did some real fine work there! Real fine.

Rika: Th-thank you...

Kappa: So, any information you need on kappa before I get stabbed by your little white friend over there?

Rika: W-well, erm...

Kappa: Yes, missy?

Rika: About... shirikodamas, was it?

Kappa: Heh. Of course that's what you'd want to know. You humans always want to know about that, don't you?

Rika: Do we...?

Kappa: Yup! The magical anus ball, and what it's for. It's a widely believed superstition among kappa that to take a shirikodama gives a kappa a boost in power!

Rika: ...Does it?

Kappa: Grade-A bull hookey. Now, eatin' the heart of your foes? That works! But eatin' the actual soul? Not so much. Only way it'd do anything is if you made a machine that ran off souls!

Rika: [writing] I see...

Kappa: So, want to see what a shirikodama looks like?

Rika: W-w-what?! You'll show me one? ...You have one to show?

Kappa: [chuckle] I don't.

Rika: But you just sai- ...I don't think I like where this is going...

Kappa: Don't worry; I'll be gentle.

Rika: But won't that kill me...?

Kappa: Only if I sever the cord!

Rika: I don't know...

Kappa: You can trust me, missy! Besides, I'm already trustin' you with my life! What's the worst that could happen?

Rika: I could die!

Kappa: And then your little eyes would bring ya back!

Rika: ...Well, when you put it like that...

Kappa: All you have to do is take off your pants, and I'll get to work!

Rika: A-a-alright... [fabric shifting]

Kappa: Underwear too, kiddo~

Rika: A-a-alr-r-right... [fabric shifting]

I couldn't help but sigh, "A bit trusting, isn't she...? Sounds like she's about to be raped, really..."

Kappa: Now, bend over for me... Put your hand on the bed, and just relax, and I'll work my magic.

Rika: W-w-what's in the b-bottle...?

Kappa: Just somethin' to help with this, missy. Don't you worry; I'll take care of everything.

[momentary silence]

Rika: Eep! Ahh... that feels... f-funny...

I stared at the tape recorder incredulously. "What the hell are they doing...? It's making me feel dirty just listening to it..."

Kappa: Almost... [squelch]

Rika: Ooh...! Wh-what...?!

Kappa: [grunt] there we go. I got my hand in there. That was pretty difficult, missy! Tight fit.

Rika: Why doesn't this hurt more...?

Kappa: 'Cause I'm that good, missy. 'Sides, I've been told my hands are pretty derned small. That goes a pretty long way in the end. [boisterous laugh] Get it? In the end!

Rika: [groan] I do...

Mom: [knocking, before door creaks opens] Rika, it's time for di- It's... Di... [thud]

Rika: Mom?! [pop] Mom, are you okay?!

Mom: I just had... a terrible nightmare.

Kappa: [chuckle] Might want to put your pants back on while she's still out of it, missy.

Rika: R-right! [fabric shifting]

Mom: ...Rika?

Rika: Yeah, mom?

Mom: What am I... doing on the floor?

Rika: Y-you, uhh...

Kappa: You tripped.

Mom: Ohh. ...How embarrassing...

I rose a brow at the odd situation. "Is she... in denial over what she saw, or was it just too much to handle and she forgot?"

Rika: S-so, uhh... Why did you come up here?

Mom: Huh? ...Ohh. Yes, it's time for dinner. Bring your guest down with you, and we'll start eating.

Rika: Mom, he's not a guest...

Mom: W-what is he, then?

Rika: My current project! You should treat him with the respect he deserves as such!

Mom: Ohh, thank goodness...

Rika: ...Huh?

Mom: Nothing, dear.

I nodded to myself, saying, "Yeah, she definitely remembers and is in denial."

Kappa: Heh. That's sweet of ya, but this kappa don't need special treatment. Just standard treatment's plenty. Already it's more than I'm used to from humans! Feels like just yesterday that humans and kappa didn't get along at all. We even killed each other! Sometime the stupid kappa would let their desires get away from them, too, and do somethin' terrible. Half-kappa made by these unions were usually killed! It's nice to live in an age where kappa and humans can pretty derned easily coexist.

Rika: Well, if you insist... You're gonna be like family soon, so I just figured...

Kappa: Ohh, so ya wanted to treat this old kappa like family? Sounds better if ya say it bluntly like that, y'know. [boisterous laugh]

Mom: W-well, lets head on down for dinner, alright?

Rika: Rika out. Comi-~

I couldn't help but feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. "So she treats all of them like family, huh? No matter what they were before? That sure is sweet of her. What a good kid."

Rika: Well, now that dinner is over, I've taken Kappa to the lab! Before we get to impregnating him, I've decided to resume where we left off!

Kappa: You know, calling it impregnating's kinda disturbing. I may be old, but I'm still a man, dagnabbit.

Rika: Ahh, well... Admittedly, I'm used to calling the subjects female regardless of what they are; I never check, you see.

Kappa: I see! And what do you mean by 'where we left off'?

Rika: W-well, erm... My shirikodama. I... I still wish to see it, if you still want to show me it. I figured it would be better to do _before _stabbing you in the heart.

Kappa: ...You know, if I didn't know about what evil eyes did, I might be fearin' for my life 'bout now. And yeah, suppose I _should _be finishin' what I started.

Rika: Y-yeah...

Kappa: Well, you know the drill; pants off, bend over, and let me get to work.

Rika: R-r-right... [fabric shifting]

[momentary silence]

Rika: Eep!

Kappa: [grunt] Still as tight a fit as ever, I see...

Rika: W-whHhy wouldn't... it be...?

Kappa: Well, y'see, puttin' things in places like these makes 'em looser over time, sweetheart.

Rika: I-I s-seEe...

Kappa: Now, where's that little- Ahah! [pop] There you are.

Rika: [pant] That's it...? It... it looks like a little glowing pearl on a shining silver string... You c-could have just described it. It's beautiful, but still... ...Looks sticky, too...

Kappa: Some things are better shown rather than told. You wouldn't've been able to imagine it in its full glory! Now, let's see about puttin' this baby away.

Rika: A-alriIight...

[momentary silence]

Kappa: [pop] There we go! Tucked away safe and sound in its little hidey hole.

Rika: Mmm... D-did you have to put your hand back in as well...? I'm not a glove, y'know...

Kappa: Do you want it comin' back out on its own?

Rika: W-well... No...

Kappa: Exactly. Had to ensure it went back where it belonged, as it would just end up comin' right back out when ya used the toilet!

Rika: ...But I haven't had to use the bathroom in years. Not since we moved to Gensoukyou...

Kappa: Ohh? You're an outsider? Never would've pegged ya as one.

Rika: But... I invent things. That's a pretty outsider thing to do...

Kappa: So what? We kappa also invent things, and we're from Gensoukyou! Also, ya should probably pull your pants back up. Ya got a nice little tush, but you don't need to be pointin' it at me like that! [guffaw]

Rika: R-r-right! [fabric shifting]

Kappa: Anyways, hows about we get on with it?

Rika: W-with what?

Kappa: Stabin' me in the heart with a big ol' barb. What we came here to do in the first place, missy! What else?

Rika: Ahh, right... Uhh... I'll go get the numbing agent.

Kappa: Nah, that's fine; I can handle a little pain. 'Sides, you said it wasn't so bad.

Rika: Aside from the initial pain and then the feelings of your insides tearing themselves up later on? Painless.

Kappa: [guffaw] Then lets get on with it. The sooner we do, the sooner I'll be an evil eye.

Rika: Alright. Alpha?

[thunk]

Kappa: Ahh, that... that hurt, but not nearly as bad as I expected. Just felt like something pierced a bone... I've had worse

Rika: That would be the barb getting lodged in your sternum. Saying that it immediately is stuck in the heart is actually incorrect. However, while it's possible to remove it, you would have to remove the bone it's stuck in within the day. After that it has already grown into the heart.

Kappa: Do I wanna know how you learned all that?

Rika: Well, I, uhh... I set-up some tests for things to see just what it does. I also discovered that the only parts required to create an evil eye are the heart, sternum or whatever else it's lodged in, brain, two lungs, stomach, and liver.

Kappa: How'd ya discover all that?

Rika: I systematically started to remove organs from each evil eye I made, and used trial and error to discover under what conditions it wouldn't try to create an evil eye from the parts. If you add the parts back in it resumes growing. I theorize that I could also use the organs of other creatures in lough of the ones from the creature the heart comes from.

[long pause]

Kappa: ...I see.

Rika: You wouldn't happen to have any organs in poor condition, would you?

Kappa: Can't say I do.

Rika: Are you a smoker?

Kappa: Never did a day in my life; always knew it was bad for you. Doesn't sound healthy to inhale burning plants in the first place, now does it?

Rika: Rats... I was hoping to test that theory had you said yes...

Kappa: I realized this.

Rika: ...You sure nothing's wrong?

Kappa: Giving me puppy eyes doesn't change fact.

Rika: Fiiine... Anyways, there's nothing left to talk about, so... Rika out.

I couldn't help but snort at that. "She really wants to test her theories, doesn't she...? Kinda creepy, really..."

Rika: Well, this is strange...

[woof]

Rika: Yeah, yeah, I know... From the beginning. Right, well, Kappa is... reacting strangely to the whole process.

[woof...]

Rika: And by strangely, I mean that it's been four days and he still isn't in a coma. That's never happened before! Sure, it's rare that I even get a chance to see creatures get to that stage - usually I work with cadavers - but I'm utterly surprised by this turn of events! I wonder how long he will last? Is it perhaps because he's a youkai? He's already in horrible pain from all that's happening to him, but I have to wonder just what the ending to this will be. Will he simply... not go comatose? That would be something fascinating. I wonder just how much pain he might be able to tolerate? Will it knock him dead? Rika out.

I rose a brow at that, saying, "How interesting... I wonder just where this is going?"

Rika: Day 5: Kappa has requested something to help with the pain, which I reluctantly gave him. It gets in the way of my research some, but I doubt he would listen to me if I damage the trust between us in such a way.

[woof...]

Rika: Research is also important, Alpha. If one lets something like the pain of others get in the way of genius, one won't get particularly far.

[woof!]

Rika: Yes, there _are _other ways, but those ways don't bring progress as quickly. I'm looking to advance the field of evil eyes as much as I can here, and any obstruction, no matter the size, is still an obstruction! I hope to some day understand evil eyes completely, and this is unbroken ground we're talking about! I want it to be as unaltered as can be! Already the truth is being blurred now that he is taking something for the pain. I will have to continue to monitor him, and hope for the best. Rika out.

[whine cut off]

I couldn't help but shudder a bit. "Getting a little obsessed, aren't we, Rika? You're starting to sound downright evil... You were such a sweet girl back when you were just making that tank, or 'Mister Bakebake'... What happened to you? ...For that matter, what happened to Bakebake? You haven't talked about your weaponized souls project in a long time."

Rika: Day 6: He's started coughing up blood here and there. I hypothesize that his lungs are either restructuring themselves without a care for damage done, or trying to detach from his trachea. ...Or perhaps his stomach is. Anything in that general area fits the bill. Then again, the intestines are among parts unused; perhaps they are what is detaching, and blood is coming up into his stomach.

[woof]

Rika: True, blood in the stomach may actually cause vomiting. But, then again, he is a youkai. That might allow him to handle blood with ease; they are known to be quite hardy after all, even if he's old.

[woof...]

Rika: Speciesist it may be, but it is also grounded in reality; youkai are known to eat raw human. He is quite old, so I would assume that he has had human at some point.

[woof]

Rika: Yes, yes, I know that that is assuming a lot, but it's just the way things used to be, going by records. He obviously lived through that time and beyond, so it stands to reason that he has. As such, I would go as far as saying that it's more of an educated guess than a speculation.

[woof...?]

Rika: ...That's not a bad idea, Alpha. If I just ask him a few important questions, they might lead me to some interesting answers. Thanks, Alpha. Didn't think of that. Rika out.

Kappa: [cough cough] Whaddaya want, Missy...? Tryin' to sleep through the last of this. The voices and the pain ain't helpin' though.

[woof]

Kappa: Mind readin'? So the voices are... thoughts? This ain't gonna be easy to get used to...

Rika: I have some questions for you, Kappa.

Kappa: [growl] I have a name ya- Right. New name. Ugh... Head's poundin'; feels like its 'bout ready to split in two.

Rika: [scritch scratch] Split... in... two... Got it. Alright, first question. Is raw meat a common meal for you?

Kappa: What...? No, not really. I like my meat cooked if I can help it. Some seasonin' helps too. Not that sushi's bad or anything, I just tend to like my meat cooked is all.

Rika: Have you consumed a large amount of human flesh in the past?

Kappa: What...? Why would you...?

Rika: I'm trying to figure out why you're in so much pain. This might be of help.

Kappa: ...Well, yeah, I guess so. Was a common thing we ate in the distant past.

Rika: Raw?

Kappa: Cooked.

Rika: Hrm... Then that rules out the blood coming from your intestines, I guess...

Kappa: ...How?

Rika: I thought that it could be so if your stomach was used to blood, but it's not.

Kappa: Well, I don't drink blood or anything, but I probably could if I really wanted to. Youkai are pretty hardy after all. We don't throw up easily. You'd probably have to poison us, as we don't get physically sick. ...Can I go back to bed now? Head's... killin' me... Ugh... [thud]

Rika: Kappa?! Are you alright? Kappa! [smack] Kappa!

[woof]

Rika: But he's not due for another day! Could he really be-

[crunch]

Rika: Ohh! He lurched! Yeah, he's definitely hatching... Wow, he stayed conscious to the last moment...

[crunch]

Rika: Let's leave the room while he does this; being spattered with gore is something I'd like to avoid. Rika out!

I chuckled a bit, finding the whole thing a little funny, somehow. "That hatching sounds like a bloody affair."

Rika: Well, this is... interesting, to say the least...

[woof]

[silence]

Rika: Ohh, shush. So what if it's rude? It's the truth!

[silence]

Rika: Yeah, I didn't expect you to look like a traditional kappa either. Real shocker, really. At least you'll fit in back home a little better, right?

[silence]

Rika: Well, yeah. What would I gain from keeping you here after I've run my tests on strength and such?

[silence]

[woof]

Rika: Ehe... Thanks. I try to be good after all. So, shall we get to the tests?

[silence]

Rika: You're welcome. Rika out.

I blinked in surprise at the abrupt end to the recording. "Is that really the end? What about the test results? Is he back to full strength or not?" I couldn't help but sigh. I really did want to know, but if it ends there, it ends there. "Maybe I'll be lucky and she'll mention it at the start of the next one."

Putting away the previous tape, I pulled out the next one, and asked, "What the hell? It's like an 'A' but without the line connecting the two angular lines... I wonder what it means? Somehow it looks kinda familiar..."

With that said, I inserted the next tape and pressed play.

Rika: That was my longest tape yet! Nearly had to start using side B, I think!

I blinked at the mention, saying, "I forgot that tapes had sides..."

[meow]

Rika: Yeah, you guys can come on out from up there now. With Kappa gone home, I can now not worry about crowding him too much. Didn't want to displease my guest after all... I knew it had to suck to be in so much pain. He was pretty unlucky, really, with how he didn't ever go comatose.

I couldn't help but raise a brow. "Rika, are you evil, or are you sweet? Make up your mind already..." I blinked when I realized something else that had been said, and looked to the dark ceiling, pausing the tape. "...Hiding in the ceiling, huh?" With that said, I turned on the desk lamp, and bent it so that I could sweep the light across the ceiling, and proceeded to do just that. "...No, nothing there... Wait, is that a hole? Where does it lead?" Heading under the hole, I looked up, and found something disturbing. The night sky was on the other side. That... _creature _could have gotten in at any time, had it simply went to the ceiling. ...Then again, it punched through that door like it was paper, so I guess it could have gotten in either way.

Shuddering, I headed back to the tape recorder, and I pressed play.

[woof]

Rika: Exactly. I'm sure any of you that were alive for your changes can agree with that. They sound terribly painful...

[animal noises]

Rika: Now, on to the next order of business. I have found that kappa produce interesting results, so I have decided to see what happens when I make evil eyes out of aquatic creatures! It really could bring in some interesting results, I think, and it may bring me closer to my goal of creating the perfect evil eye. So, first on our list, and likely the most difficult to find, is a seal! I've also decided to streamline things. From now on, I'm going to just start these after I've already turned the creature, unless I have reason to do otherwise.

I blinked at that statement. "A... seal? Where does one even _find _a seal?"

[arf]

Rika: Yes, I was getting to it, Lambda! Sheesh... Lambda the seal has come out with a flipper hanging out of the back, and a good sized body. Whiskers, too.

My eyes widened just a bit in realization. "That's why! It looked familiar because it's the symbol for Half-Life! ...Although, it doesn't have the little hangy bit on top. I wonder why that is?" Thinking a moment, I came to a conclusion. "Perhaps the hangy bit is only on the lower case letter, or the upper case, and this is the opposite?"

[arf]

Rika: Yes, yes, we'll test your power after I finish this up. Anyways, Rika out.

Raising a brow, I said, "Wow, compared to the one on Kappa, this one's tiny!" Moving on, I put away the tape, and took out the next. "An 'M'? I wonder what this one will be? Maybe it'll be like the exact opposite of an 'M' and be a 'W' in use!" I couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the joke I told at the expense of the letter 'M' as I inserted the next tape into the recorder.

Pressing play, I began to listen with rapt attention.

Rika: Mu!

[moo]

Rika: [giggle] Mu!

[moo]

I couldn't help but raise a brow at the odd exchange. "What the heck...?"

Rika: This is Mu, the bull! She's-

[woof]

Rika: Fine, fine, _he's _my newest evil eye. Happy?

[woof]

Rika: Moving on! The mutations this time are horns and a cow-style tail, which is surprising, as Mu was just a calf when I bought her-

[woof]

Rika: _Him. _Jeez, this is really hard to remember! Maybe I should have just gotten a _female _calf.

[moo...]

Rika: Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean any harm by that. It's just hard to remember your gender is all.

[woof...]

Rika: Well yeah, of course Kappa's gender was easy to remember; I talked to him for a good while, and he... did things to my butt!

[moo?]

[woof]

[moo]

Rika: [sigh] Anyways, that's about all there is to it. Rika out.

With that said, I opened the hatch on the front, and took out the tape. With that done, I put it away, and pulled out the next tape in line. " 'N', huh? I could make some pretty poor jokes on that one, but you know what? I won't. I'm better than using racial slurs as joke material."

With that said, I put the tape in and pressed play.

Rika: Well, now that I have my huge cow, it's time to get back onto my current subject! Aquatic wildlife. That seal made for some pretty interesting research. How about a frog? And, just as I expected, it came out pretty different! For one, it actually has legs. Strong legs, in fact. Inside the mouth is another interesting detail. You see, it has a long tongue that can easily stick to things! So very sticky...

[ribbit]

Rika: Sure, I didn't _have _to feel up your tongue, but I feel that it was pretty helpful, Nu. It's really thick, too... It's like a sticky meat rope that stretches and can snap back with a little effort! I rather like it.

I rose a brow. "Mu and then Nu. I'm sensing a pattern here. I wonder if it will continue?"

[ribbit]

Rika: Aww, no need to be embarrassed, you know. It's just the truth! It's a pretty versatile organ! I could imagine it being pretty useful in combat, with how strong you now are. It's at least as strong as a human arm after all. I know _I'm _not strong enough to beat it in a tug of war.

[woof]

Rika: Hey, that's kinda mean! I am too pretty strong for a woman! I pick up heavy sheets of steel all the time! My arms are pretty muscular, too!

[moo]

Rika: See? Mu thinks I'm strong!

[woof]

Rika: ...True, I guess Mu _does _hardly know me. Still, though! It's something, isn't it?

[silence]

Rika: [sigh] Well, anyways, Rika out.

I stretched a bit, cracking my back this way and that, before removing the tape and putting it away. With that done, I went for the next tape. "...Okay, seriously? Screw you, ancient language. I'm not even sure how to describe this one! It's like a sideways message that says 'bracket capital I bracket'! ...Huh, I managed to describe it. That sure was unexpected."

With that said, I put the tape in and closed the door, pressing play.

Rika: Deciding to compare the changes between a frog and a toad, I had my friends grab for me a toad! A nice big one. Makes a slightly different sound, too. Instead of going ribbit, it kinda... croaks!

[croak]

Rika: Just like that. [chuckle] Thanks, Xi.

[croak]

Rika: Anyways, the perceivable changes in the body shape are a more flabby, fatty body.

[croak?]

Rika: Well, it's true; you're fat! What, do you expect me to lie to my records?

[croak]

Rika: Well, I won't.

[croak?]

Rika: Because I need my records to be accurate. I'm not lying about your fatty, flabby body. Besides, why do you care? You're a toad! Toads are _supposed _to look like that! Isn't such a look attractive to other toads? Shouldn't that be a _good _way to look for a toad?

[croak]

Rika: What do you mean 'I'm more aware of myself now'?

[croak]

Rika: Ugh... Whatever. The point remains that I'm still not going to lie to help you forget what you look like. If you really want me to, I'll just see if plastic surgery would take. Of course, I'm not a doctor, so anything I do would likely leave you horribly scarred for a time. After that, your regeneration would fix up what I've done to you. It might even revert the changes for all I know.

[...croak?]

Rika: Of course I'd do it. I've never had a chance to test youkai regeneration, after all. It could be an interesting learning experience.

[woof]

Rika: Right. Wrapping things up. Uhh... Well, her skin is quite warty, I guess. Slimy skin, too. With that said, I guess it's about time I say Rika out.

"Well, that was-"

[...croak]

Rika: You're welcome, Xi.

I paused, before saying, "Well, that was... interesting, to say the least. A toad made pretty through plastic surgery. Or maybe just torn to pieces and made to look like a pile of scar tissue. Either way, Rika still wins, as she gets to experiment on one of her eyes with consent. ...On that note, I wonder if she has experimented on any of them _without _consent? It seems like something she might do, if her past actions are any indication."

With that said, I took out the tape and put it away. With that done, I pulled out the next tape. " 'O', huh? I could make a pretty weak sexual joke, perhaps even making use of Rika's fisting in it, but that would be in pretty poor taste. Not to mention inaccurate, as I somehow doubt that Rika got off is so little time."

With that said, I slipped the next tape in and pressed play.

Rika: Well, that was unexpected...

[croak]

Rika: Ohh, right. Before I get to that bit of awesomeness, I should say that Xi's surgery went fantastically, all things considered! Just a few stitches here, some liposuction there, a bit of trimming of the excess skin here, and she looks like Frankenstein's monster with a facelift!

[croak]

Rika: I know, I was expecting you to look worse as well... On the plus side, I now know how to make evil eyes vaguely prettier.

[croak]

Rika: True, you _are _healing pretty well. Should be able to remove the stitches soon! Then you'll look less hideous.

[croak...]

Rika: Ohh, be quiet you big baby. Anyways, as I'm now done, I suppose I should say my goodbyes! Rika out.

I blinked in bewilderment, before saying, "Didn't she not-"

[woof]

Rika: ...Ohh. Ohh, that's right, I never talked about Omicron!

I couldn't help but chuckle at her oversight. "Yep, that's pretty much what I thought." After a moments pause, I added, "...Omicron, huh? Fits with the letter 'O' for a change. I like it!"

[woof]

Rika: ...Where's Omicron?

[trumpet]

Rika: Ahhhhh! Duck and cover!

[...woof]

Rika: ...I don't even know how she managed to sneak up on me like that either; she's _huge_!

[trumpet]

Rika: Right, right, I'm supposed to be talking about you! Well then, I suppose I should introduce you to Omicron, my elephant-based evil eye! I decided on an elephant because Omicron was a big name, and I needed a big animal to match it!

My eyes widened a bit at that. "Where the hell would she even _find _an elephant?!"

[woof]

Rika: I'm talking to the tape recorder, silly. Who knows who might make use of my tapes some day! What if a complete stranger were to infiltrate my compound and listen to these tapes one day?!

[...woof]

Rika: That's because the idea's exciting! What if he were to sweep me off my feet, and try to take me away from it all?

[...trumpet?]

[...meow]

Rika: Of course I'm alright in the head! I haven't hit my head on anything in years! Anyways, I'm sure you're wondering where I got an elephant!

Nodding, I answered, "Yes I am."

Rika: Well, you know how the land is surrounded with the mountainous wastelands?

Shaking my head, I said, "No, not really..."

Rika: Well, Gensoukyou is surrounded by unsettled wastelands. Quite a lot of land, really. One time I even found a lake filled with blood out there!

Blinking, I asked, "How is that even physically possible?"

Rika: I'm honestly not sure how such a things is possible, though. The vampire living there said that she found the lake that way, so she wasn't much help. Apparently it wasn't coagulating simply due to being celestial blood!

I rose a brow, and asked, "What's a celestial?"

Rika: I'm honestly not sure what a celestial is, but apparently they're like angels, and they live in the clouds over Gensoukyou! Although, their blood not coagulating on contact with air seems like a bad thing, really.

I blinked again, and asked, "How is it even possible to live in the clouds?"

Rika: Anyways, I ordered my eye squad to search for the largest animal they could find, and inject them with a serum that I made that allows this machine I made to sniff them out, so to speak. Really, no sniffing is done. It just tracks them like blips on a radar.

Furrowing my brows, I asked, "What about my question?"

Rika: Turns out that it worked really well! We ended up with several interesting finds! A panther, a water buffalo, and an elephant were the only ones of note, however. One said that they saw a dinosaur in that lake with all the mist, but they didn't have a chance to tag it.

Pausing a moment, I asked, "Hello?"

Rika: It was a liopleurodon, going by what they said. The lake's pretty big, so I don't doubt it, but still... That could be a pretty interesting evil eye, if I ever do manage to catch it.

Blinking in realization, I said, "Wait, this is just a recording..." Somewhat confused, I went on to thought aloud, "...Did I just have a conversation with a recording? ...Wait, did she say that there is a dinosaur living in this land?!"

[woof]

Rika: Ahh! Right, right. The mutations from the norm this time are grey skin, big floppy ears, and the nose. It makes for a pretty interesting evil eye, all in all. Anyways, I'm out of stuff to say about Omicron, so I guess Rika out.

Stroking my chin, I said, "Well, we seem to be nearing the end of this list of tapes. I wonder how this will end? Did she succeed in making the ultimate evil eye, or was she doomed from the start? Then again, I would imagine that a dinosaur would make for something along the lines of the ultimate evil eye, so maybe she succeeded in that."

That said, I put away the tape and took out the next. Blinking in surprise, I stared at what looked like a 'T', but with the bottom line on either side instead of the middle. "Pi? Hey, I know this one! It looks kinda like pi, but more bulky! Is this the upper case of pi, perhaps?"

With that said, I slipped the cassette into the recording device, and I pressed play.

Rika: Well, we're starting to run out of characters, huh?

[woof]

Rika: Well, I can't help that there are so many creatures I want to turn! There just aren't enough characters is all...

[woof]

Rika: No, I don't want to stray from the path I have taken!

[meow]

Rika: We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

[woof]

Rika: Right! Today we have a special treat for you! Pi!

I let out a sigh. "That was terrible..."

[woof]

Rika: Sorry, sorry, I couldn't help myself.

[...quack]

Rika: It was a joke, pi; I'm not planning on eating you. Anyways, if you haven't guessed already, Pi is a duck!

[woof]

Rika: True, I guess there _are _numerous quacking animals out there. Anyways, Pi has a nice feathery coat, feathered wings, and a bill. Reminds me of Delta, really.

[chirp...]

Rika: Don't be like that, Delta! She's just as good as you are, just at different things! All of you are special in my eye. You're my children after all.

I blinked in surprise at hearing that, before asking, "When did Rika get old enough to start considering her creations her children? I thought she was still a kid...

[woof?]

Rika: Alpha, you're special because you are such a good team leader. Beta, because you're such a good huntress. Gamma, nothing can pierce your thick shell. Delta, nobody is as swift in the air as you are. Epsilon, you can shatter glass with your voice. Zeta, you are quite strong. Eta, you can spin such a fine web. Theta, nobody is as valuable to the human village as you are. Iota, you're a slippery one, and are good at gathering food. Kappa's not here, but he's probably even smarter than I am. Lambda, you're a swift swimmer. Mu, nobody is quite as fast as you are when you charge. Nu, you're a good jumper. Xi, you're the prettiest of us all. Omicron, you could stomp any of us flat. And Pi? You're just plain sweet.

[animal sounds]

I couldn't help but smile a bit at that. "That was really touching... She really cares about her evil eyes..."

Rika: Alright, that's enough hugging. Rika out.

That done, I moved on to the next tape in line. " 'P,' huh? I wonder what it is? Po? Pu? Pau? Palpha? Well, whatever it turns out to be, we'll find out soon enough, I suppose."

Doing as I have done numerous times before, I switched the tapes, and pressed play.

Rika: My god was that ever stressful...

[woof]

Rika: Yes, yes, I know. It's not good to use the word god lightly in such a light; the gods are liable to smite you or something. Wouldn't that be terrible? All that work and then either all my food loses its nutritional content, I'm cursed, or I simply shrivel up. I mean, those are the three gods around here, right? Two for autumn and one for curses. You would think that more people would respect them... They're real live gods! In the flesh! Why wouldn't any-

[woof]

Rika: Ahh! Right, I should stop getting side-tracked. Back to my story of how I got Rho. Now, knowing that there was a liopleurodon in Misty Lake, I decided that I would try and catch it! It took a lot of effort but... I actually failed to catch my target. Instead, I caught a catfish that was a couple metres long. But that wasn't the end. No, after we decided to give up on the liopleurodon, and simply started to carry the catfish home, something massive _leapt_ out of the water! The sheer shadow it cast as it was flying through the sky... I thought it was the liopleurodon, but it turned out to be the biggest catfish I had ever seen! It _dwarfed _the other catfish! It must have weighed at least a ton... There was no way that we would stand a chance against something _that _large! So we ran, taking the catfish with us! Both of them! One we carried, while the other one was flopping after us for quite a ways! Eventually we managed to get inside our base, and I think we lost it. Why was it so angry?! We didn't do anything!

[blub]

Rika: Wait, what? That was your father, the king of the lake?

[blub]

Rika: You're half-mermaid? You sure don't look it...

[...blub.]

Rika: Yeesh, sorry! You're a very pretty half-mermaid!

[blub]

Rika: Anyways, with that out of the way, let's get on with the mutations. Nothing too abnormal. Catfish whiskers, orange spotty skin with a sheen to it, and a flipper on her rear.

[blub]

Rika: Ehh? You want to go home? Well, I guess I can allow it... Also, do you know of any dinosaurs that live in the lake?

[blub]

Rika: What? Why should I forget about it?

[blub]

Rika: Fine, fine, I'll stop asking questions about the liopleurodon... Anyway, with that done, Rika out.


End file.
